How often does this happen? You are leaving for work and you tell yourself, “Don’t forget your phone!” What happens? You leave it on the kitchen table.
OR …
You are on the golf green. It’s a simple putt. You tell yourself, “DON’T screw it up!” What happens?
OR …
You drive an old wreck for ten years and never even dent it. Finally, you buy a beautiful new Audi.
You tell yourself, “Don’t scratch it!”
Within three days you demolish the front end on the gate post … even though you kept telling yourself, “Don’t damage your new car!”
Is it bad luck?
Actually, there is a simple explanation. Here’s what you were never taught in school …
Your mind works on pictures.
When you tell yourself, “Don’t miss it!”, you create a mental picture – in fact, a program – of you MISSING it. So that is what you get.
When you say, “Don’t forget”, your mind has a PICTURE of you forgetting. So that is what you move towards.
Telling yourself NOT to do something DOESN’T WORK. Ever!
Unconvinced? What if I tell you, “Don’t think of a kangaroo.” What are you thinking of?
Telling yourself NOT to do something is worse than useless.
It is DESTRUCTIVE.
Why Confidence Matters
This explains why confidence is critical. When you are quietly confident, you focus on what you want. You picture yourself:
- driving safely
- putting truly
- giving a great speech.
You automatically program your mind for success.
You say, “But telling myself, ‘I want to be slim’ and telling myself ‘I don’t want to be fat’” … aren’t they the same thing? NOT EVEN CLOSE!
You say, “Telling myself, ‘I want to be successful’ and “Telling myself, ‘I don’t want be a failure’” … aren’t they the same thing? NO!
They are a million miles apart. They are complete opposites, which is why some people succeed and others believe they were born to fail.
Who Else Knows This?
You say, “So does anyone know about this?” Absolutely.
All top performers, Wimbledon champions, Olympians, leading entrepreneurs and entertainers know this. Tight-rope walkers know this!
They focus on what they want. Always.
Your Best Chance
When you focus on what you DON’T WANT, you get more of what you DON’T WANT.
When you focus on what you WANT, you give yourself your best chance … in every relationship, interview, piano recital, soccer match, examination, speech. You drive more safely, you stay more healthy, you win more often.
Why is this the most important thing that you were never taught in school? Because this information is life-changing.
Want to learn more? Listen to my 15 minute podcast The Most Important Thing You Were Never Taught in School.
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Author: Andrew Matthews
Andrew Matthews empowers audiences in 25 countries to enjoy their life and work. Andrew’s books, including “Being Happy!” and “Follow Your Heart”, have sold over 7 million copies in 43 languages.
Thanks. I bought this book years ago and still love it.
Thank you, Lindy.
Me too!! I’m an English teacher in France and I use this book a lot in my classes too!
Bev, thank you for sharing these ideas with young people.
Me too
Love your books Andrew,… Love the newsletter ,…. It’s great to keep on point with my life’s goals , and to recieve friendly reminders!!!!
Thank you, Andy!
It’s really useful
Thank you Andrew. You have kept me happy and sane all these years. The impact of your insights have made such a change in my life
Thank you for your kind note, Pinky. Wishing you success and happiness!
Thanks for this Andrew.I have given I don`t know how many of your books away over the years as gifts(great flap on inside cover to write a poem in too!)Excellent stuff.Greetings from Yorkeys Knob!
Thank you for your note Willy – and thank you for spreading the word!
Both the books are too good and always with me.
Thank you Sundaram.
In life today it is a struggle to get all the negativity and drauma from getting you down. It is really nice to pick up one of your books and read. It puts me back in perspective of what I can do to be happy. Thank you so much for making my life better
Yes – and most of all, we find in life what we look for. When we look for good things in life and people, we find good things. Thank you Sarah.
I bought most of your books and have enjoyed reading it. I found them to be very educational and amusing. Whatever you said is actually correct. I have used some of your stuff to guide my children and grandchildren in their beliefs. Thanks a million, Andrew for sharing your thoughts with the world.
Thank you SP.
I bought “Follow Your Heart” when I was 29. I’m now 45. you were my first life-changing teacher. I then bought the audio. And even after all these years I still love to listen; in fact, I keep it on on purpose so that my husband can learn a few things! Ha ha! I have bought a few more books and gifted them to friends! You gave me power to follow my heart in everything and I still do to this day – and people look up to me because of this. And all I can say in return to them is to find your book!! Thank you always!
Hi Jenny! You made my day! I am very happy to know that “Follow Your Heart” was useful!
Andrew,
Thank you for your amazing books, I love the message and the cartoons.
I have shared your books many times as I consider them a wonderful resource.
Thank you for sharing my books, Janet! I have lots of fun writing them – I’m glad you enjoy them.
Andrew aprox 34/35 years ago I attended one of your weekend workshops in Adelaide and I used some of the tools to get a much required job at that time and still do in many different forms But! Basic thing always comes back to being happy create happyness now and you have happy for the future😃 thanks again Andrew
Thank you for getting in touch after 34 years, Christine! I am happy to know you are still using these tools.
I read and re-read your books a little every day and have for years. They are life-changing. Thank you.
I am glad they have been useful, Milana.
Truly, Truly So Thankful !! Your book “Being Happy” got to my hands as a true blessing. Your book beautifully lifted my spirits. It was like, with your words you took my hand and guide me to the true world seen from the only perspective that works for our true happiness, filled with answers and a so charismatic way to learn to live my life at the best and most beautiful potential. A world filled with only happiness!! …. the happiness I was unable to experience before your book. Since then, you became a master in my life. Thank You Dear Andrew Matthews.
Glad to know that “Being Happy!” was helpful Carmen. Thank you.
great explanation…..
I have bought this book in the late 90s when I was not in a good place. It has brought me out of my doldrums. Since then, I have bought most of your books. Thank you, Andrew.
Glad it helped, Eleanor. Thank you for your note.
Haha this is great and so true. Just like when I’m wearing a nice really white shirt and I think ‘don’t get lipstick on it’, well you can guess what happens every time!!
I learnt this 59 years ago. I got the dreaded scrub ride with the chief flying instructor when I was doing my pilot training. I was minutely flying the plane trying NOT to go up or down. The instructor grabbed the thing, & threw it around all over the sky. Gave it back to me with the instruction to stop trying not to stuff up, & to try just having fun.
Never had a problem of trying not to do something wrong again.
Nice story, Phil. Thank you.
Thanks Andrew for your friendly reminders. Always refreshed me after reading through all your advice.
Andrew, thanks for your inspiring books. I’ve been recommending your “follow your heart” to my language students for quite a long time. Wish you the best!
Thanks for your books. I read ” Being Happy” and “Follow your Heart” when I was in college 15 years ago. It totally helped me follow my dreams. 🙂 Super thanks!
I’ve thought about this question a lot! I’m aged 81yrs. and the most important thing I wasn’t taught at school was “How to Learn”
Thank you for sharing all these insights. I’ve been a fan of yours since I read your book “Being Happy” way back in 1995. I even attended your seminar here in Manila, Philippines.